This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
the liver wants what the liver wants
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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