I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
