Don't EVER smell your tampon
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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