i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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