i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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