I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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