I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
