is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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