is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Is it penis luge time yet?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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