is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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