dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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