You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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