R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
