just come out here and I will go home with you...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
