I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
