Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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