in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
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She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
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Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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