1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
