careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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