pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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