I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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