there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
