So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
