So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
no, he came in my armpit
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
