Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
