Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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