He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
