Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
