those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
