omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
