He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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