well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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