I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
