the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I had to cum in my sink.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
