Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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