Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
