theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
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Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
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Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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