that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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