I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
