He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
