this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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