I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
