if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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