a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
