Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
