I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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