Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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