Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
