cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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