so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The uberlube is also flammable
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
