you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
