Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
