Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
