Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
