im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
