Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
