Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
