actually, I'm a sock model
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
