If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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