it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
