I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
