After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
