ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
