Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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