Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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