I CAN MOONWALK!
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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