Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
