I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
