Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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