My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
