it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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