I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
